I don't want the holidays to come. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I don't want to face it or the horrid trifecta that's to follow: Christmas/New Year's, my birthday and Valentine's Day. I don't want any of it. I want the clock to stop right now at 11:17 PM and go no further. I don't want to face it all without him. This is not what I'd imagined last year; 2008 was supposed to be good. We were supposed to spend our holidays together in our home. Not barely talking and borderline indifferent toward each other.
It hurts. It still hurts so much. And I don't want the holidays to come.
Aww Dorkys..
ReplyDeleteIt will be good next year - I promise.. Because 2008 wasn't that great for me either and I'm praying and believing that it will be good. And it will be good for you too with him...
I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. It will get better. The first holidays without someone are the hardest. But they DO get easier.
ReplyDeleteSoon you'll have someone new in your life, and you'll forget about these sad days of missing him.
Keep thinking of all the things you have to be thankful for. You'll make it through, I promise.
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Sometimes the holidays suck when something went wrong because they're supposed to be the "happy time." You seem like a strong woman, though.
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind you could dislike the holidays even if you ARE with someone (insert pic of ME, LOL). Holidays are just another day to get with family...so enjoy the family. OR...go ice skating by yourself, read a good book, just enjoy the days off work. :) If you want to get away, we always have an opening for a sitter for the children...(that means someone comes to see the kids, I stay and visit with them, and I get to send Hubby out somewhere with his friends, LOL). Things will be better. Drink hot cocoa and take a good, long nap today. Sending hugs your way.
ReplyDelete*Hugs*
ReplyDeleteI know the pain and distress of which you speak. Time does heal, but saying that will seem so trite and irrelevant you won't want to hear it.
However - look at all those blog followers and admirers you have - you aren't going to be alone this holiday. And someday (probably really soon) that awesome knockout smile you have is gonna make the guy of your dreams heart melt. So keep smiling.
oh sweet girl! just move through one moment at a time. keep your eye on the end. there's no way out but through. holy smokes, can I have any more cliches?!
ReplyDeleteit does get easier, but I know those words are not soothing to a broken heart.
we're with you.
*hugs*
ReplyDelete*HUGZ*
ReplyDeleteI've not commented here before but this really touched me and I just wanted to reach out to you. Not that I have any real solution to offer, however much I'd like to be able to. Lisa's right - no way but through it - and it's so hard sometimes. It sounds trite perhaps but just take it moment by moment. You've obviously made it so far through this already, with courage and grace, and this too shall pass...
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
ReplyDelete*Thinking of you :(
maki, I really really hope so. It's just been rough all around. I hope 2009 is better for you too.
ReplyDeletechicagolady, thank you for the kind words. I've known the holidays would be hard, but they're coming regardless so I'll just have to get through them.
lainey, exactly. It's especially hard when you see everyone else with smiles on their faces and enjoying their time when your heart is just not into it. I recently read on someone's blog (I'm sorry I don't remember whose) that her husband told her to "Fake it til you make it." Maybe faking the smile will trick my brain into thinking things aren't so bad?
tooj, leave it to you to make me laugh about this. Thank you so much for the suggestions, I'm going to start a pick-me-up list and add those to it. P.S. I got your e-mail and will reply in a bit.
intense guy, how sweet was your comment? I actually smiled when I read it. Thank you for that.
lisa, you probably could find more, but thanks for choosing to share the good ones. You're right, sometimes all the words in the world can't make the hurt go away, but it does help knowing people care.
heidi and ladystyx, thank you.
kendalee, thanks for dropping in and for the warm thoughts. And yeah, I have made it pretty far. All those feelings just get triggered from time to time and I have to take a couple steps back to get myself together. It'll be ok I'm sure...mostly.
yaya, thanks for the hugs and thoughts.