Pottery [Is Hard As] Rocks

So a month ago my buddy and I signed up for pottery class and tonight was session 2 of our 6-week course. Let me tell you, pottery is so much harder than it seems. For starters the clay itself is not as fragile and mushy as we thought it'd be. You actually have to exert force on that thing to get it to take any shape or form. We're both there dandole golpes and it'll just lay there on the wheel refusing to do what we ask.

Last Monday I was able to make a tea bowl somehow (with help from the teacher of course), but my friend just ended the class sans bowl and sans any patience for clay. In fact, I'm pretty sure she said "Ok, let's start over and turn this into one biiiig lump" no less than 4 times that day.

So we thought it'd be a good idea to go during the studio's weekend practice hours on Sunday (Lord knows we remedial kids need it, and it doesn't help that we're the only two newbies in our class) and try our luck getting a feel for throwing on the wheel. And do you think we accomplished anything then? No! The clay was way harder than rocks and without any professional guidance our lumps of clay were sliding all over the place and much too tough to even shape. After 20 mins my friend threw in the towel and called it a day. "Sometimes you just have to know when to quit," she said today. "We could've been there til tonight's class and still have nothing." I agree. I was getting pretty frustrated myself.

I mean prior to this I thought, "Man, it's clay! How hard could pottery possibly be?" Plus, I grew up on Play-Doh and that stuff's just begging to be molded.

Well thankfully tonight's class was a bit better. We had a substitute for the night who showed us some different techniques to use and the clay was ten times more workable than it was yesterday. I'm getting a bit more confident on trying to make a bowl without giving the teacher too many "help me" glances and finished out another piece. My friend on the other hand, well, let's just say she's getting there and made great strides today. She even managed to produce a makeshift bowl. Who cares if it's for her dog, Charlie?

Really, I'm just practicing for when my Ghost moment arrives.

How HOT Is It?

Too hot to blog.

But I'll give it a whirl so some of you don't suffer through withdrawal. Since I can't write a whole story out, I'll give a round-up of what's up at the moment:

Burnin Up
Current temp in NYC: 74 degrees F
Humidity: 91%
Therefore, feels like: 136 degrees F

Biting the Dust
My friend had a cool BBQ at her house this afternoon and we spent most of our time feasting on chicken and steak, gabbing about boys and figuring out who'd be the first to get hitched and pop out a kid. Apparently I was voted most likely to get married first and most likely to marry a non-Hispanic guy. I don't know about the first one (I don't even have any prospects on the radar!), but I can definitely see the second one happening. I did say that in two years one of the four us would be engaged. By 28? Yeah, totally see that happening. Just don't know who it'd be. Doubt it'd be me because instead of going out with my friends tonight, I'd much rather stay in and chill at home listening to Z100 on my alarm clock radio. Maybe the man of my dreams will deliver my chinese food someday.

I Just Fell In Love In The Shower
I just jumped in the shower a little bit ago to try and cool down (I was unsuccessful, I was sweating all over again just brushing my teeth) and finally tried this awesome sugar scrub that I've had since May. Another cool thing about my job: the beauty department gets tons of samples and products in so twice a year they hold a sale and sell it all off for a buck each! So I can score fancy schmancy lotions, hair products, and make-up for super cheap. At the last one I bought Glowology Noodle & Boo Sugar Mama Honey Scrub and OMG!!! Let's just say I can't stop running my hands down my arms they're so soft. This ultra-fine sugar paste exfoliates and makes your skin all supple and moisturized, I didn't need any lotion afterwards. Just patted myself down with a towel to keep the aloe and butter from rubbing off. And I smell absolutely yummy! Hmm, maybe I should go out tonight after all...

Spark Notes
New anthem of my life: Jordin Sparks' "One Step at a Time":

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

Update
It's still hot as hell fire.

One More Time
Z100 is currently playing Daft Punk, which reminds me of this cool video I saw on YouTube a while back. It's based off their song "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger." It. Is. Amazing.



Ok fools, that's all I can put up for now. I think my thighs just melded with my chair.

Answer

The Mid-Manhattan Library on 42nd & Fifth. The Humanities and Social Sciences Library is across the street from it, but I'm impressed one of you even knew the name!

Where In The World...

Home Sweet [Infected] Home

Yesterday, New York City health officials launched a campaign aiming to get every adult in the Bronx tested for HIV within three years. Although Manhattan has the highest rate of HIV and AIDS, the Bronx has the highest rate of AIDS-related deaths.

So glad I moved here. I'm still waiting on my mother to call and lecture me about the news.

Happy Gay Pride Week!

We're right in the middle of Gay Pride Week in NYC and I thought I'd share some lovely videos (courtesy of the sis) to celebrate the occassion. Loverboyremixnyc is this hilarious guy who vlogs on YouTube and often posts videos of himself lipsynching songs. It's too funny not to share, so here's the one that introduced me to this wonderful man a year ago. Without further ado, I present to you...A Deeper Love.



And a new (and awesome!) one my sis sent me today :)

It's Like I Never Left

So I'm in the Bronx on my D-train ride home trying to get ahead on some work when who walks in to completely disrupt my train of thought and indulge us tired commuters with her sweet music? The Drum Banging Lady!

There's nothing like a little "It Ain't No Joke For Real I'm Broke...Real Broke" to get your head boppin'. And here I was thinking I'd be missing out on quality pan-handling entertainment. I'm still waiting on those break dancers though.

Hello: I've Got Destiny

Last night I had an appointment with T and after talking to her for a while she revealed that she just knew I had this destiny to do something great. That she had this feeling from the moment I walked into her office back in October that I had this light (subdued as it was) shining from within me.

I don't know if it's all a bunch of baloney, but that was both touching and exciting. I've always wondered if I'd ever get to do something that will make an impact, now matter how big or small. Now her telling me this could turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy (would I have done what I'm going to do if I didn't know I was meant to do something?), but it's great encouragement.

Right now I'm at such a turning point in my life and the changes are just picking up speed. T mentioned that I should enjoy this next phase in my life and that it will probably be about focusing on my work and honing my writing skills. And that's exactly what I intend to do. My responsibilities at work are growing and I'm getting trusted to do and write more. My freelance work is also getting better and even though I'm totally swamped right now, I want to do more! My goal is to reach out to three new editors over the next few days and see where that leads. I'm just trying to learn as much as I can and already I see the progress I've made. Of course, I still need improvement in many areas, but I'm grateful that at least I have the chance to learn and get better.

I'm also improving my outlook on life. Now that I've been getting out from "under the bushel" I'm realizing that it doesn't always suck out here. Yeah it isn't always so easy and yes I'll still moan and complain - old habits do die hard, you know - but things really aren't as bad as I've made them out to be. They're pretty good actually and I'm just now starting to walk confidently into the world.

So I don't know what my "great destiny" is or what my contribution to the world will be, but instead of waiting until I'm older or realizing what I'm supposed to do, I'll aim to contribute something small each day. I'll set my good deeds to fly out on the wind and maybe someday it'll ripple on to someone somewhere who really needs them. That would be enough for me.

Curiosity is Gonna Kill Me

So yesterday around 8 pm I was walking toward 59th street when I saw that 50th-51st streets on eighth ave was completely blocked off. I saw the blinking lights from several fire trucks up ahead and what did I do? I sped up the pace to go see! I don't know what happened, so if any of you do then tell me too. I googled around for info, but didn't come across anything. And instead of being a true journalist/"inquisitive," I just stood on the sidewalk looking around and taking pictures along with the rest of the nosy fools.

Answer

I Shall Not Name My Second-Born Tar-Jay

So last week I upped my uncool level and bought a granny cart. I'm pretty tiny and have a horrible back so I thought it'd be best if I got one for those trips to the laundromat and the supermarket. I found one at Target and picked it up. It was practically assembled except for the wheels, which I was able to pop on with no problem. Of course I took some liberties with the instructions, but it's just a cart so no biggie, I thought.

Well yesterday was laundry day and I'm all ready to go forth into the world and test drive my new set of wheels. I'm zipping around the apartment with my loaded cart, impressed at how tightly it hugs those curves.

Next thing I know I'm making my way down to the third floor when the right wheel flies off! Before I know it the left hind wheel rolls down the stairs to the next landing leaving behind a trail of springs and pins. Shocked and confused, I run to gather the pieces of my broken cart. And still amazed at my shoddy construction job, I took the opp to take a pic. Of course, that's when I heard people making their way upstairs. So I threw the bits in purse, grabbed the cart, and hightailed it back upstairs!

Grrrr

Why is it that when you realize that you're running early (well I guess if you're early, you wouldn't be running), the powers that be do everything they can to screw it up?

I was doing wonderfully well this morning, which is surprising considering I've been off work since last Thursday. I grabbed my lunch, made a sandwich for breakfast, and that's when things went downhill. I noticed that the overly ripe bananas I set out last night had leaked all over my sink area (where the dish drying rack lives). So of course I had to clean that mess up (and throw away a whole bag of bananas, ugh!). Then I, the pack mule that I am, left the apartment with my purse, two bags of trash, and my lunch.

And then my door decided it'd be the perfect time to play a little game called "Will I Lock or Will I Not?" I won that battle.

Then as I'm making my way to the crosswalk, what should come crawling up the hill? My bus. And because otherwise it'd defeat the purpose of things never going my way, the bus was at the red light just long enough for me to run to it and have it take off when I got there. I stood at the bus stop for a minute, checked the time, and decided that for the first time I'll just walk the 10 minutes to the train station. I knew it'd take even longer if I waited for the next bus.

So I'm walking and oh! What's that I see chilling on the next block? That wretched bus. Taunting me. Making me believe I can catch it this time around. I speed walk towards it, reach the rear end of it, and soon enough the doors close and it runs away from me. Like a coward.

I thought to myself, "I'm not meant to get on this bus for whatever reason." And when I got to the next stop, I didn't bother going for it again. Plus, I wasn't going to give the lucky fools inside any further entertainment.

By the time I reached the train station I was hot and sweaty (because I dress for public transportation and my office weather: freezing cold) and I had a stitch on my side because Dorkyses weren't made for running.

But I caught my train anyway. So wait til I catch you tomorrow, Bx9.

Biz Quiz

Oh Baby...

I just got back from a close friend's baby shower and a huge chunk of me still cannot believe that my friends can now have kids and it'd be perfectly acceptable. To me, we're still those goody two-shoe high schoolers who'd call home as soon as they realized the train was running late. In my mental time warp we were permanent teenagers.

But tonight, after seeing my friend pregnant for the first time (she lives several states away), it dawned on me: we're bonafide adults. We're living in our mid-20s and heading straight for 30 in just a few more years (four to be exact). People are getting married left and right and kids are popping up all over the place. I can barely keep up with the "Congrats on your baby [enter gender]" cards. Last Sunday, I saw my two cousins and their 4- and 5-month-old babies for the first time as well (apparently no New Yorkers are procreating). The way my cousin would glance at her son was just undescribable. It was like they were in their own little world where everything is said without any need for words. Like taking a glimpse into something sacred and one where you can only sit there and watch. And just from looking at them you could tell that there is no greater love in the world than that which exists between parent and child.

I want to feel that someday.

Now, I know I'll be the first to shoot down anybody's hope of seeing me with child everrrrr and I'll yell from the mountaintops how much I do not want kids any. time. soon. As well as the fact that I'd adopt a child much sooner than I'd bake a bun in my own oven. But after seeing my friend tonight and how happy and proud she was to be having this little girl in three months, how could I not toy with the possibility of someday having one too?

It's like that feeling you get when you're very much single or very much not getting married soon and you go to a wedding. You can cry independent woman all you want, but at the end of the day you want to feel what those two at the altar feel when they say, "I do."

And it's events like these that plant those little seeds in your head. And it's not necessarily a bad thing if it causes you to realize that maybe you're just in denial or being overly cautious for whatever reason (don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen for you). I know it's made me realize that I've never allowed myself to comfortably consider marriage or children as a possibility because I don't want to get my hopes up and have them not happen for me.

I know many girls who've planned out their whole wedding day while I have to turn away whenever I pass a bridal shop. I guess I've been mostly scared of letting myself wish for something and be let down. But you know what? If it can happen for somebody else - actually many-body else - then why not me? Last time I checked, I was pretty awesome.

So I'm finally being honest with myself: I want to get married and I want to have kids. And not necessarily in that order.

Answers

Eureka!

I've totally found my calling guys.

I've been sitting here at home (I've got the day off) in front of my computer making several calls for an upcoming story and it just hit me. This is what I want to do. I want the liberty to call up companies and speak with their top people all the while sitting here curled up on my rolly chair, in my pjs and eating cinnamon roll oatmeal. Freelancing is the way to go!

I can do as I please, skip the whole costuming business of donning decent attire for the office, and make all the calls in the world without that annoying phobia of people listening in (I had an important one over the phone at work yesterday and silly me was so worried if people could hear me that I completely forgot to record the first 15 mins. I'm a dope).

And let's not mention the fact that I can come and go as I please, go write outside if the mood strikes me, and barely have to stretch out my hand to grab something from the fridge. In fact, I think I've done more than enough "work" for the day. I'm out!

This is where the magic happens

Where In The World...

Ok guys, I'm trying out a new photo segment. Each week I'll post pics of a spot and we'll see who guesses correctly. It'll also encourage me to get out and take more pics since I've been slacking on that. So here's the first installment of Where In The World:

Can you guess where I was? This one should be pretty easy! I'll post the photo answer on Saturday, so stay tuned. And coming up soonish: Biz Quiz. A totally fun game where you guys quess what shop I took a picture of. Here's a quick (and super easy) taste:

So enjoy your Friday, guys! I'll be right here...at home relaxing :)

Quiz Time!

Ok, so this quiz from Time Out NY is super duper old, but it's a really good one. I wanted to show it to my sis (to see if she'd surpass me even though now I forgot what I scored) soon after I came across it last November and then forgot about it for a while. It's about ads in the NYC train cars, so if you're from out of town, my apologies. But maybe when you come for a visit you'll be able to study up before taking the test! Good luck!

An Awesome Start to the Day

Not.

Today I'm having a skinny day. That's when I throw on an old pair of jeans only to realize, to my dismay, just how much weight I've recently lost. It's when I look back and find that my butt has totally vacated the premises and that I need to cut another notch several inches into my belt. Sigh.

Then shortly after I realized that today is My Body Sucks Day, my morning became all sorts of frazzled:

- I grabbed my bag to head out the door. Luckily, I didn't leave before glancing down and changing out of my slippers.

- I hurry down the stairs with two bags of trash, an umbrella and purse in hand (because as always, I'm running late) and about to cross the street to the bus stop when I think, "Oh let me take out my Metrocard so I can have it on hand." That soon turns to, "Where the hell is it?" as I'm rummaging through my purse like a damn raccoon going through trash. Finally, cue over to me making my way back up four flights of stairs to grab the card from yesterday's sweater's pocket. Not fun.

Moral of the Morning: Skinny days suck. Don't wear jeans that make you feel horrible about yourself. Granted, I know I need to pile on the pounds stat, but I don't want to feel as if everyone around me is commenting on how baggy my jeans look on me. First step: wash these jeans. Maybe the shrinkage will give my self-esteem a much needed boost.

And I know this was a total rant and should instead revel in the fact that the birds were chirping exceptionally beautifully this morning (loudly, but beautifully) and I should be grateful for waking up to them every morning instead of the fighting and yelling. So a thank you to the neighbor who has those birds by his/her window.

I should also thank the powers that be for not letting me miss the bus this morning even though I had to run back home. Plus, it's nice outside right now and I meet with the T (for therapist) tonight. So I can dump all my issues on her and go on my merry way.

Little People, Big Problem

So I have finally invested in a 1, 2-step stool! I haven't been able to put anything in the top shelves of my closets and cabinet. Why? Because my four-foot-nine self can't reach any of those places. But I'm unstoppable now that I'm 17" taller!! High spots are unreachable no longer! I can breathe in cleaner air!

Hmm, maybe I should carry my step stool with me everywhere I go. Then I won't have to pretend I'm rock climbing when I need something from the top shelf at the supermarket. Or cramp my foot when I tiptoe just past my limit. Yup, I think this is shall be the answer to all my short problems and the start of a beautiful relationship.

Maybe He's Not Sooo Bad

Ok, I've been hating on John Mayer ever since the awfulness that is "Your Body is a Wonderland" played non-stop on the radio. But I've got to give it to the man; his songs may be super simple sans all the crazy production some artists fall back on like a crutch, but they usually have a great message behind it. Case in point: his latest song "Say." For those who have yet to hear the song, here are part of the lyrics below. I don't know about you, but I think it's something worth striving for.

"If you could only...Say what you need to say (x8)

Have no fear for givin' in.
Have no fear for giving over.
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.
Even as the eyes are closin',
Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say"


Correction: This version corrects the song title to "Say."

Here Come the Brides

Starting today same-sex couples can walk down the aisle and pledge life-long commitment to each other in Cali thanks to last month's California Supreme Court ruling that said banning same-sex marriages is unconstitutional. Congrats to all the newly-wed-to-be's!

Now, can the rest of the country please get with the program?

Update: Link to the story we refer to in the comments.

Oh Snap! It's Friday!

Btw, if you guys have any Happy Friday picture ideas, please send them over! I'll be posting my own pics soon...instead of stealing these from other people's sites :)

Work Can Be Fun

Ok, so I'm having an odd slow moment here at work (we're still finishing off the current issue so we should be busy busy busy). I just turned in yet another story a bit ago and should probably be working the 5 others I have coming up throughout the month. Instead, I'm online looking for a new hair care line to use on my curly hair. I've been using Garnier Fructis for years and years, but it might be time to give them the boot. I'm contemplating going for Ouidad and my coworker mentioned Bumble and bumble products. Since I'm clueless when it comes to this, I figured I'd use my resources...so I shot an IM over to our Beauty Director.

So we'll see what she recommends. Some weeks ago, I told her my Maybelline mascara made my eyes sting after a while. Her suggestion: Neutrogena Weightless Volume mascara. I've yet to test it out, but she said their products are awesome for those with allergies and it's super light-weight. Then she gave me a free bottle of nude lip gloss that looks just right on me. I love my job. Nothing beats working with a bunch of cool peeps who are experts on so many different areas. :)

I ask all my health-related but-is-mickey-ds-really-that-bad questions to our Lifestyle Editor (and yeah, they all yell at me if I eat too much mickey d's, which I've been really good about! They also try and convince me that veggies are actually good for you...go figure). But my coworkers are a good influence on me. After a while I cave in and opt for the salad instead of the fried food and keep telling myself I'll try to eat better...or just eat more.

If I want to know if a movie totally sucked, I have the entertainment peeps to turn to. I usually don't follow other people's reviews and go see the movie if I want to see it, regardless of whether the buzz on it is good or not. Either way, it's nice to hear someone else's take on a film.

And then for life/relationship/existential-being-at-peace-with-one's self, there's my cool coworker who sits just several feet behind me (and who will gladly IM back when I'm too lazy to speak). She's the one who lent me Mastery of Love and sent me these cool zen podcasts several months ago. Her most spoken phrase: "Get it together." What we need to get together is our motivation to keep learning Italian during our lunch break.

So yeah, my job is pretty awesome. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who not only gets to give back through her work, but also takes away so much from her coworkers. So what have you guys learned from those you work with?

-------------------
PS: Just got back from a quick meeting in the beauty closet (where the fashion/beauty department resides surrounded by racks of clothes, shoes and a table full of products). I think I'm going to give Bumble and bumble's Curl Conscious line a try. We'll see how they work out!

Video Time!

Ok, so this morning I gave the video tour one more try (because after waiting for 5 hours for it to load last night, I realized it was over the size limit...genius!). It's a bit blurry because after that hassle I od'ed and made the file size super small. So here you go!

What do you guys think? Any decorating tips? I have tons of wall space and I can only put up so much of my wonderful photography. Also, maybe I should just vlog this whole thing (although putting in an entry during work hours might be a bit tricky...)

Lifestyles of the Poor and Hungry

So I finally took the pics I've been promising you guys aaand I did a mini-super-lame video tour, too (update: ok, so I couldn't load the video so it shall come later). Enjoy!

This is the super long hallway leading from the front door to the living room area.

This would be the "kitchen"/office area. I put that in quotes because it's pretty tiny. I guess kitchenette would be a better word, but I actually have a full-sized stove that I intend to use...someday.

You're now looking at the living room space with my awesome IKEA furniture (the computer workstation up top is also courtesy of IKEA). I guess I could have moved that shoe rack box, but I was too lazy.

To the right would be my super-cute, ladybug-themed bathroom! And let me tell you, that rug is sooo soft. And the curtains are pretty awesome.

And finally, you have the bedroom with the bed that's way too big for tiny little me and the dresser I built All By Myself. I hope you guys enjoyed the tour. The place looks like a hot mixture of bland and messiness, but it'll get better as time goes by. I just need something - anything! - on the walls stat!

I Moved On Out

So Sunday was my official move in day to the other side of the river (in the Bronx) and away from my beloved, panhandler-ridden A train (Oh break dancers, how I shall miss you). Come to think of it, it was pretty uneventful. I basically grabbed a couple bags, told my mom "Maybe, I'll come back today, maybe I won't. Bye." And then I walked under the blazing sun to wait for the bus.

Some buddies of mine passed by that evening to check out the place and hang out for a little. All I know is I was broiling in the apt and just wanted bedtime to come quick. Here are some things I've dealt with thus far (and I've only been living there two whole days):

- No air circulation whatsoever! But then again my lovely view out my windows is another wall of windows...score!

- The shower likes to play tricks on me like I got time for games. You figure if you turn on the hot water and turn down the cold, the water would get warmer. It does, but after I'm standing there turning knobs like a fool while there's soap on my face.

- The 4 train is hella slow and über cold! But on the bright side, it runs right alongside the new Yankee stadium and since the building's outer walls aren't complete yet, I get to look inside at the field and stands!

- I'm getting better at killing roaches. It helps when you have wood floors so they don't look as creepy. There's just something menacing about a roach on bright white tiles.

- Last night, while I was checking my email (yes, I finally have Internet after one whole day of suffering with wack stolen wi-fi), all the lights went out for a second. I was still yelling "Eeeeee!" when they came back on. Soon after, I gathered my lighter and candle and made sure there was still a gallon of water in the fridge.

- I still don't have a table or any chairs or any kind of food prep area, so I've been preparing my breakfast sandwiches on my coffee table. Maybe I can just get a couple floor pillows and make that the dining table, too.

- Then again, why would I need a food prep area when I have no food to prepare? I have nothing to cook and nothing to cook with. Looks like I'll have to take another little trip to Chez Mom's for some din din tonight.

What? I promise I'll start cooking soon enough, I got cookbooks and everything!

I know I still owe you guys pics of the apt, but I've yet to take any myself since I furnished the place. My sis did and is holding out on me, but no biggie. I'll take some tonight and post them stat. Maybe I'll do a little video tour if you're lucky (read: if I figure out how to upload videos on this thing).

So stay tuned! :)

Fix It Your Damn Self!

Ok, so I know the song "Damaged" is ancient by now, but I just wanted to put my two cents in about how annoyed I was when I first heard it. Yeah, it's catchy and I'll sing along and dance like a fool to it, but the lyrics are ridic!

How is any self-respecting woman going to go up to their New Boo and tell the poor fool to piece her heart back together for her? Or say, "Hey, I kinda like you, but I have all this baggage...could you maybe check that for me? Thanks."

Come on now. Why can't the girl just wait til she's in a better place emotionally before she goes off with another dude? Why does said dude have to make her all better? Yes, maybe one way to get over someone is get under someone else, but it'll just screw you up in the end. For starters, you won't be giving New Boo a fair chance if your heart's all busted up. And maybe the remedy you haven't tried is being by yourself for a while.

How you gonna fix it...geez....

Anyway, do any of you have any "damages?" And how do you intend to fix them?

Happy Friday!

Here Goes Nothing!

My coworker got me hooked on the Elle astrology pages, so I've been reading them everyday for the past couple of months. Here's what they had to tell me today:

For June 5: You've got your fingers in several juicy pies right now - and all of them are promising. Don't choose one over the other just yet. Continue exploring the farthest regions of your creative soul and stretch way past your ego and self-consciousness. You're getting bolder about testing yourself and taking personal risks that are finally paying off. Come to think of it, nearly every leap of faith you've taken during the past couple years has produced something unexpected and worthwhile. It's such a thrill when your work and achievements outshine your expectations, and this has already begun to happen. You can anticipate it happening more and more.

Perfect! Just when we've (my therapist and I) started stressing the importance of me taking a huuuuge leap of faith in a certain area of my life. I've already done a couple hops in terms of freelancing (and have been making great strides in that aspect!). Moving out on my own is another huge jump, that I thought would completely freak me out...but it hasn't yet. In yesterday's session I came to the realization that I can reach out to random strangers, ask for help, advice, pitch story ideas, get things done work-wise, but when it comes to something else, namely expressing how I truly feel about someone, laying it all out there, pouring my heart out regardless of what the reaction might be, I get so terrified. My heart starts racing, my ego kicks it up 10 notches, and tells me to abandon ship. That it's not worth the possible humiliation that often comes with opening yourself up.

But my therapist said that when something scares you that much, and causes so much anxiety, go towards it. Because that's where there's the most room for change. And so I've decided to run and just jump off the cliff. Hopefully I won't break my neck.

I Shall Name My First-Born...Ikea!

So I'm almost done building all the furniture I bought over the weekend (bed frame, dresser, TV storage/bookshelf, coffee table, computer table) for my apartment and you cannot imagine how proud I am of myself. Granted I had help with most of the things, but I built this dresser All By Myself!


It seriously came with no less than 5000 pieces, but I did it! You know how a new parent probably looks down at his or her precious little baby and thinks, "Yes, this is the point of living; to be able to create this beautiful miracle is the greatest thing on Earth?" Well, that's me. Building that crazy contraption using Ikea hieroglyphics as my only guide gave me total validation that I was placed here for a purpose. To build cheap furniture, figure out which freakin screw is used in step 7, and when I use the wrong one abandon all attempts at pulling it out and move on to the next project.

And I Wondered...

So I finally went to go see Sex and the City last night with the buddies (sober and wearing my old jeans, of course) and I have to say I loved it! Yeah, I know I wasn't sure if I was going to be all into it and could have probably waited a couple more weeks without seeing it and survived. A couple of my coworkers went to the midnight show on Thursday (Friday really) and came back the next day buzzing away at how awesome it was. Thank God one of the bosses sent out a mass email telling them to refrain from discussing the plot around the rest of us.

Not only was the film funny and cute (albeit a bit over the top with the fantasy/too good to be ever true moments), but I actually related to certain parts. I won't say what and spare those of you who have yet to see it, but I did come out with a teeny bit of inspiration and hope for myself.

Here I am, a 26-year-old single girl living in one of the greatest cities in the world (I'm trying to be modest there because you all know that as a true NY'er I believe that this place is the best!). I work for a national woman's mag, I get to write and live out what I've been wanting to do for so long (even if I didn't always know it). And I just got an apartment (the reason for my mini-hiatus) and will be setting off to live my "independent" life next weekend (stay tuned for My First Apartment horror stories). I have so much to look forward to, and at the same time so much I want to still do. I want to travel the world, freelance, get my greeting card business off the ground. I want to find peace, conquer fears, and constantly pursue happiness. I want to let people in and knock down the scaffolding I've built around myself. I want to find love and not be so terrified once I have it.

And the lesson that I got from the movie last night: sometimes things just defy all possible logic. You think and you analyze and dissect why you feel the way you feel or how you should feel or how everyone else says you should feel. But guess what? At the end of the day it just is what it is. You feel or don't feel a certain way despite what society or your own brain tells you. Learn to just go with it. If logic says it should be one way, and still your heart pulls you in the other direction, just follow it. Thinking often adds confusion and mud to the mix.

How great would it be to live open heartedly and let that be our guide? To refuse the rules society throws at us and call it for what it is. Total crap. I think we'd be happier if we just live as we wish - without repressing how we feel - and not worry about what the others might say. Because seriously, are the others any happier than you are now? No, because they're too busy obeying rules and explaining their lives away.

I'd rather just live it.