Sex and the City 2

Dear God where do I even begin with this one...

"It was a complete waste of time and money" would be a good way I guess. I cannot recall a movie that had me so bored and disinterested while watching. Embarrassment even crept over me for the people involved in this film, those who found an ounce of entertainment within it and my pathetic self for agreeing to go see it.

Sex and the City 2 presents our four aging ladies two years after the last installment and yet it seems like no time has passed by to them. Although their lives have changed somewhat, they still run around as if they were 30-year-olds, chasing glitz and Cosmos with the youngens. If you thought it was impossible, prepare to be impressed: Carrie surpasses her level of annoyance here. You'd think that finally catching the man she'd been chasing all those years would make her happy, but alas! The woman wants to hit the town while Big wants to stay home together and eat -gasp!- take-out. She wants "sparkle" in their lives while he's perfectly happy watching old black-and-white movies and snuggling in bed. She gets on her hubby's case over his feet on the couch so often that by the time she asks Big, "Is it because I'm a bitch wife who nags you?" after he suggests space between them, you just want to yell out "YES!"

As for the other women: Samantha is on the brink of menopause and fighting it with every pill/food/lotion she can find. Miranda up and decides to quit her job at the firm after her boss has trouble listening to an empowered woman. (Kudos to her for finally shedding her high-strung persona and just chilling out. It was long overdue.) And knee-deep in diapers and toddler tantrums, Charlotte's having a hell of a time maintaining that cheery disposition of hers. After Samantha comments on her nanny's reluctance to keep her big boobs in check, Charlotte's obsessive/jealous ways emerge.

When Samantha scores the girls an all-expenses-paid trip to Abu Dhabi, their corny nonsense continues in the Middle East (Warning: a karaoke scene is included). Now, if someone found the plot to this film please let me know because to me it just seemed to be a succession of lavish scenes. In fact, Sex and the City 2 would have been better served as a slideshow with captions; the "dialogue" only popped in as filler between shots of luxurious locales and fashion spreads. I mean, did they really need to change twice just to ride a pair of camels? (In heels no less!) Better yet, did a camel toe joke need to happen?

I will say this, I semi-appreciated the mom heart-to-heart-over-cocktails when Miranda finally got Charlotte to vent. That could very well have been the only "real" moment in the entire movie. When Carrie committed a relationship faux pas overseas, my heart came back from the flatline. "Finally!" I thought, "Something might actually happen here." But don't get your hopes up, kids. At the end of the day, this was just a serious letdown that couldn't end soon enough. And might I point out that there was barely any sex and there was hardly any city? That alone earns this negative toasties.

Sex and the City 2: 1.5/5 Toasties



Image: eonline.com