I have a hard time accepting the inexplicable. My mind always wants to pick apart, analyze, ask how and why. To me, things can't just be for the sake of being. They need to have happened for a reason and I need to know what it is.
I'm classic type A and think too much. I like clear answers and closure. Vagueness is unsettling and my mind has a hard time grasping "no answer" and nothingness. "How far is Heaven?" "What does water taste like?" "What exactly is dark matter?" To me, "nothing" and "it just is" translates to "the answer hasn't been found yet."
Religion is a tough one for me because it requires faith and faith requires trusting that which you cannot see or explain. After questioning every other line in the Bible, I had to set it down after only a few pages. Where did God come from? How did He get the power to do the things the Bible said He did? Why is there so much suffering? Religion asks that you surrender logic, believe the unbelievable and accept wholeheartedly.
Love is the same in that it cannot always be explained. It just is until it isn't. When you stop loving someone where does that energy go? Does it transfer over to someone else? Does it transform? Or does it simply evaporate to then gather in the skies until we're ready for love to rain on us again?
But in asking all these questions, I feel I'm slowly wasting my time and energy trying to explain what doesn't need to be explained. I've become a person of "why?" instead of "why not?" I'm too busy trying to disassemble and figure things out when instead I should be enjoying the existence of endless possibilities, miracles and angels amongst us and just let them be.
P.S. I have this quote by my cubicle that I've written out a couple times before (maybe even here) and clearly do not read as often as I should:
"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
OMG that video gave me goosebumps....and im the same way...i analyze things to the core...soo much it stresses me out...but you enjoy things more if you just LET IT BE...analyzing things makes it so technical and it takes the beauty/romanticism/poeticness (is that a word lol) from it
ReplyDeleteAy, I know what you mean about the stress. If I knew how to stop asking so many stinking questions, I would just so I could relax and chill out. I really liked how you described it in that last line! Oh, and it's poetry ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd I loved that part in the movie. I actually saw "Across the Universe" in the theater and although some parts were way weird, this part really stuck with me.
So many questions. I suspect that your answers are to be found within you. Those people around you that are quietly happy and content have found their own answers - answers that are unique to them and those answers may or (more probably) may not work for you.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, I found contentment accepting that I did not know if (in the sense of being able to prove) there was a 'higher power' - but acceptance of "I do not and maybe can not know" made my life easier for me.
Instead I turned to "if I am like a bubble in the stream of life" what can and should I do? The Golden Rule fit into my mindset. It works for me.
As for you? You have reached the stage wanting to know your answers - I hope you find yours when the time is right and perhaps it will be soon.
Oh, how spooky....I was just thinking these same things not too long ago!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on EVERY SINGLE POINT!
Great quote!
ReplyDeleteLOL about your "Toast" comment on my blog now that I see the name of yours!
I use to over analyze then one day I realized it was taking too much energy.
This is a very deep post. I have the same issues with unanswered questions and checking logic at the door. Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier today. I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI like that quote. As much as I would like to chime in, once again my dear iggy beat me to the punch and put it in words I could never hope to express on my own...
ReplyDelete