Much less gynecologists. Seriously, the annual itself is uncomfortable enough without adding a cute MD to the mix. Granted, there’s nothing sexy about powder-free rubber gloves and specula (unless you’re into that sort of thing), but hellooo doctor. If only I wasn’t in such a compromising position during our meetings.And then there are the “routine questions” surely created to remind me of how much action I’ve had in the past year:
Dr. McCutie: So any new boyfriends?
Me: No.
Dr. McCutie: Are you still taking the same birth control pills?
Me: No, actually. I stopped taking them a year ago.
Dr. McCutie: Ok, so when you and your boyfriend have sex—
Me: Actually, I don’t have a boyfriend anymore.
Dr. McCutie: Oh ok. Then let me cross that out here. (Proceeds to cross off last year’s response.) So when you have sex what kind of birth control do you use?
Me: Actually I haven’t really had…
Dr. McCutie: Ok…but you know if you were to have sex you should use a condom.
Me: (to self) Kill me please?
So after the exam I started thinking: what makes a guy want to become a gynecologist in the first place (aside from the perverted obvious)? Do they get so sick and tired of staring down there that their own sex lives suffer? Or do they know what to do just because they’ve studied it so much? Better yet, how on Earth do their wives handle their profession?
And finally, somebody please tell me why they feel it’s perfectly ok to strike up a convo about randomness when you’re in the most vulnerable position ever?! Work is fine, now shut up so I can pretend this is not happening right now.
Image: myspace.com
That's the reason I prefer to have a female ob-gyn. I figure they not only have the book knowledge but working knowledge as well from actually OWNING the same type of parts.
ReplyDeleteAs for the talking, I've found that most times drs (and nurses) that realize they're doing something you find uncomfortable will chat just to get your mind OFF what's being done. That and they can be sure you're still breathing (some of us tend to hold our breath to brace ourselves and then forget to keep breathing....)
Oh the awkwardness. I couldn't imagine if my gyno was hot on top of that.
ReplyDeleteI can understand making small talk during the exam as a distraction, but to be talking about sex of all things? When he's down there? That's just weird!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Lady Styx. I have a female. She shuts up while she's doing her business, which is always fairly efficient, she's gentle (more than what I've heard about men gynos), and she's gentle with her delivery in results. Almost eerily calm, actually...especially when she wanted to "check" that baby wasn't turned the wrong way on the day of delivery. HELLoooooooooooo? I am NOT having a c-section, missy....phew. She is a wonderful doctor. :)
ReplyDeleteladystyx, I've actually have never had a female gyno. The one before this one was a dirty old man who gave me the creeps. The first time I asked for b.c. I also asked how long it would be before I was "fully covered" so to speak. He said, "Ohhh I get it, you just want to--" and he proceeded to poke out his finger while making a whistling sound! I believe that was the last time I saw that one.
ReplyDeleteAnd I do tense up and hold my breath (which doesn't help AT ALL) and this one actually had to ask, "Are you breathing?" "Oh, now I am."
yaya, and still I probably won't change doctors unless I really had to.
chicagolady, actually the routine questions were before I went into the exam room and while still fully clothed. Still didn't appreciate them!
tooj, well this one could have been a little more gentle with his technique that's for sure, but at least he's quick - even with the chit chatting. And aack! No kids everr!!
*ponders making a late career change*
ReplyDeleteI'm just stopping by to tell you sorry for YOUR loss too. :( What a bum Friday night for us, huh? It's okay though...in reality, it's probably as well as we expected at the beginning of the season, what with all our new people and such. It still hurts though. I will be over it....in a week and two days when basketball is DONE. :)
ReplyDeleteintense guy, best of luck there!
ReplyDeletetooj, thanks for the condolences. There's always next year and baseball is right around the corner :)
I have a female doctor/gyno. I think I would lose my mind a little with a hot doctor. I do see a pretty cute chiropractor though.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so when I went to the hospital in labor (BTW I too prefer a femal OB/GYN and had never been checked by a male)there was this dreamy looking med student. He had to have either been younger than me or just my age I was 25. My husband is sitting ther holding my hand while this heartthrob, (whom I would have flirted with had I been single and not laying there EXPOSED), violated me. My husband who is the dryest, drollest person you have ever met, had nothing to say, I was mortified as doogie howser swept back his perfect hair and told me "you're about 7.5 cm dialated, we should have you delivered in a few hours"...aaaaahhhhh
ReplyDeleteLMAO.. Mabel you are too much. I can't believe you were eyeing the doctor will giving birth!! LOl Barbarasa.
ReplyDeleteheidi, oh I'm sure that makes the pain go away even faster ;)
ReplyDeletemabelita, hahaha! You're insane (but still hilarious). I can't even imagine. In fact, I think I'd rather not.
anonymous, Don't act like you won't do the EXACT SAME when your time comes around. I'm sure your flirtation will be on full blast if a hot doc is delivering your baby. Though I don't know how anyone could even think about that when your entire insides are being stretched all over the place.
Yup, no kids here.