Rule #1: Your blog must have a simple white background with just a couple soft accent colors. This keeps the page nice and clean with all the focus on whatever goody you've found online. Think of it as using white plates to show off your yummy dish of the day.
Rule #2: You'll also need space on your blog to showcase your sponsors and all their colorful little ads. Be sure to support small businesses!
Rule #3: Real Simple must become your Bible and The Sartorialist your God. Worship them as they will provide the majority of your content.
Rule #4: Every picture you post should look like it was developed in the clouds: dreamy and beautiful. And all photos of you and your friends should always look as if a professional photographer follows you around 24/7. Anything sub-par could potentially ruin your blog's appeal.
Rule #5: Keep the blog 90% product, 10% any indication that you're a real person who deals with PMS, IBS or the INS USCIS. Any dark desires should be kept to yourself.
Rule #6: Your posts should be happy, short and sweet. If you feel like crap,* refrain from writing a rambling rant. Instead, go through Flickr or Ffffound!, select some gorgeous melancholic image and write, "I'm having such a gloomy day, dear readers. I'd love to know, how do you chase away the blues?" Done. (*See Rule #7)
Rule #7: Use beautiful vocabulary. Dump words like "damn crap," "screw it," and "that bloody bastard messed up my coffee order." From now on everything will be "sweet," "lovely," and "pretty." Throw in "inspiration" on post titles for good measure.
Rule #8: Anything and everything Anthropologie will make you swoon. Be sure to tell readers that at least once a week.
Rule #9: Along with fashion finds, your blog will feature lovely artwork, adorable videos, cool books (you won't review them though), perfectly decorated rooms, delicious foods, pretty paper goods and a bunch of other randomness that will elicit a resounding "Aww, I love it!" from all your readers.
Rule #10: Sit back and watch the followers and comments just roll in. It won't be long before you're basking in Blogs of Note glory too!
Bonus: If you're artistic, have an Etsy shop or are planning your wedding, use it to your advantage. Women eat that crap deliciousness right up!
Here are some prime examples of these lovely little blogs:
Images: thesartorialist.blogspot.com, ffffound.com and anthropologie.com
Or you could go at it like me and run it off a cliff with garish colours and swears in the titles. :D
ReplyDeleteThough, I will admit, your blog is quite lovely.
Hmmm... I got to have a product?
ReplyDelete:)
...and just how do I deal with an orange cone fetish with my blog? use of "the inspired lovely sweet cone"?
Now to pick which one of the following, PMS, IBS or INS I have... I don't think the cones are bothered by the INS is... so lets go with IBS... I do know things go right through them.
First I would like to say you have to some great pointers. Do I agree with you? Not necessarily, however I do understand it’s your perspective to which you’re totally entitled.
ReplyDeleteOften people start blog to say things they don’t normally have someone trustworthy to say it to. Weather it be their relationship problem or lack there of, financial problem or personal triumph. Then you have people who just blog for the fun of it, my blog I am sure is not the best, I just write things as they come to my mind in no particular order, however if I was writing hoping to score a book deal or anything of that sort maybe it would be a different situation.
I say just have fun and whatever you do and don’t conform to the norms of society to be.
Keep doing a good job.
I loved Rule #6.
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh. I know exactly what you're talking about. No one is ever psychotic or neurotic or insane like the rest of us. Everything is all tra la la. (I do read a few of those blogs and love them.)
Thanks for this, Dorkys.
I always say people should be themselves on their blogs. So maybe these people are just lovely all the time and never feel like crap. Right? Probably not....
ReplyDeleteI would say I'm guilty, but I don't update nearly enough. And I'm too poor to buy anything at Anthropologie!
ReplyDeletelmao at #4 thank god you have a professional following u around ;) lol
ReplyDeleteActually I would say that MANY female bloggers follow MANY of the rules on this list! But as long as they have some substance/endear me to them in some way, I don't mind reading them though!
ReplyDeleteLike the satirical side of you, D :)
Bwahahaha! Thanks for the 'tips' :)
ReplyDeleteI say we start up a campaign to get Blogger to pick blogs that are actually noteworthy. You are SO right about everything here. These cookie cutter blogs aren't reality. I love reading real blogs by real people with real emotions.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, I guess by those rules my blog sucks.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm totally ok with that, lol!!!
Is this what I have been doing wrong?
ReplyDeleteVery funny post. I would like to quote another blogger, at "Life with Kaishon" who says something like, don't name yourself: Princess Heart Happy Head.
Lol!! Love this list. Too too funny. I have seen some blogs like that too
ReplyDeleteHaha, this is funny stuff. I actually visit a few of the sites you listed and always think, wow, these people don't ever have a cloudy day.
ReplyDeleteI think YOUR blog is "lovely"!
Lol SO TRUE!
ReplyDeletegood stuff. i dont even really like anthropologie. too frilly. oops!am i going to lose followers because i said that? :)
ReplyDeletewell, crap! i'll never be a blog of note with my busy background, ramblings, whining and lack of product.
ReplyDeletebah, too lazy to change :)
Great post! You are so right. Blogs of Note will never be in my future in this case. While I do have an Antrhopologie addiction I rarely write about it. Plus a blog without PMS and IBS, well how real would that be?
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth you do have a lovely blog, while still being yourself and showing your personality.
If you don't want to do all that, just write about the latest software program you're writing. I see a lot of those on Blogs of Note too.
ReplyDeleteI love you! I was dying at the "photos in cloud" comment! How does someone get to be a Blog of Note?! I want recognition [feat. NEVER. GONNA. HAPPEN.]!
ReplyDeleteAs I read this, one of my blog reads came to mind immediately. And I'll be DAMNED if you're not right. I love going to her blog for the short and sweet feel, the sweet nature, the uplifting quotes or pictures she posts.....sometimes you just need that perky person in your life. I won't feel ashamed. She's an adorable gal with a blog "smile" that stretches for miles. Ha!
ReplyDeletehaha, so true. i follow some of these blogs and enjoy visiting them because i love pretty things and beautiful pictures. and you're right, sometimes it does get too frou-frou and unreal. but i read a lot of blogs by moody and temperamental writers/poets too, so i guess that balances out my virtual reading list.
ReplyDeletep.s. i'm addicted to anthro too..*hides face in shame*
Wow.. I am seeing a lot of backlash against mommyblogs and giveaway blogs today. Lots of people identifying their stance and their blog's position on the matter. Was there a post somewhere that triggered this?
ReplyDelete*Throws most of these rules out of the window while saying, "sod that!"*
ReplyDeletePersonally - though I do like to read about happy things where possible - I also enjoy the other side of the coin, so to speak. It's all very well having a happy cheerful blog that makes your readers think you go through life with a smile on your face, singing happily while birds sing along with you. But that's just not what life is, and sometimes it's nice to read the bad parts too, because sometimes it's nice to have confirmation that the rest of the world has bad days - perhaps even weeks - too. Stops you feeling alone, and like you're the only one out there not skipping along happily singing, "tra, la, la, la!"
Hello!
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Hi, this was exactly what I was looking for, cause I'm new in blog world. So thanks!
ReplyDeleteMan, if I did any of this my friends would ask who I was and demand to know where the real me is....
ReplyDeleteyikes! hope you don't think these things when skimming my blog. I guess there are different goals in the blogging world- to express what's going on inside us and/or to celebrate the beauty around us. I try to do both, but am probably guilty of being in the "pretty little blog" category..
ReplyDeleteHaha, so true. There are a couple of blogs I used to follow which totally fall into that category. I actually like them and find them inspiring. Problem is though, I also find them boring after a while.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm a sucker for those "lovely" images and I do get jealous they have so many instant followers unlike I do.
There are way too many of them and they are completely replaceable.
Ouch! ;D
ReplyDeleteBut thanks for the links!
hee hee! i've broken every one of your rules!
ReplyDeleteRather cool place you've got here. Thanx for it. I like such themes and anything that is connected to them. I would like to read a bit more on that blog soon.
ReplyDeleteLOL i hope i'm not one of those blogs you're referring too. I love photos but mine never look great unless i steal them off Google. I try to keep it real on my blog as much as possible
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that we have reached the point where technology has become one with our world, and I am fairly certain that we have passed the point of no return in our relationship with technology.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Ethical concerns aside... I just hope that as memory becomes cheaper, the possibility of downloading our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I daydream about almost every day.
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