Going Forward, Looking Back

Dear 2008,

You were a tough one. I rung you in with laughter, kisses and no clue as to what really laid ahead in the coming months.

There were struggles, sacrifices, tears and heartache. I felt broken for most of you and its been a constant search to find myself once again and piece things back together. There was the apartment hunt soon followed by the breakup. The roller coaster of emotions. The hope. The depression. The toll it was all taking on my body. The hospitalization.

But through it all there were flashes of light. My first magazine stories. Standing up for myself. Moving out on my own. Finally sleeping through the night. The Phillies' win and Obama's victory. My family coming together for Thanksgiving dinner at my table. Blogging. Adorable newborn babies - none of which were mine.

And I learned. I've come to realize how much I can handle and still come out on the other end. I've learned that I have this huge capacity to love and that if I was that lucky once then I can be that lucky again.

I learned that there are things I need to change, but at the same time I know that I am blessed. It's easy to say that on the good days, but I need to remember that I'm just as blessed on the bad days. I have a crazy family that understands me, close friends that support me, a wonderful ex-boyfriend that still cares about me, a rambunctious little puppy that just wants to play with me and a dream career that challenges me.

So yes, 2008, you were harsh with the lessons I needed to learn. You pushed me off the cliff and it was sink-or-swim. I survived the fall somehow, but I'm not ashore just yet. After all, I still need to sign up for those swimming lessons.

Two years ago, Mr. First shared a quote with me from NC State's late basketball coach Jimmy Valvano: If you laugh, if you think and if you cry, that's a full day.

I think I just had a full year.

Here's hoping 2009 is much gentler with all of us.

Image: flickr.com