Americans in Bed

Next week, HBO will be debuting Americans in Bed, a documentary of candid interviews with 10 couples on sex and relationships from the comfort of their own bed. My friend Leon (pictured in the trailer still below) opened up his bedroom to talk about his polyamorous lifestyle alongside then-girlfriend Blanca. We'll also hear stories from a pair of newlyweds, a couple that's been married for 71 years, a pair trying to regain the trust lost from infidelity, and a couple navigating the joys of marriage and parenthood while another tries to find the sizzle their relationship once had. It'll be interesting to peek into these couple's lives and see a tiny cross-section of America while remembering all the different ways love can take shape.

Americans in Bed premieres Monday, August 12 at 9 pm on HBO. Here's the trailer:

What Do You Do When You're Not Interested?

What is it with guys who can't catch a hint when you're not interested? Last Friday, my friend and I were dancing at a bar when I had to nicely reject a guy several times throughout the night. He just couldn't understand why I didn't feel like hanging out with him. It later had me thinking of all the ways we try to gracefully turn down a man's advances when we go out. I once ran into a guy who asked why I still hadn't called or responded to his messages so I lied and said I'd lost my phone...and then I actually lost it a few days after that. Lesson learned.

Other moves we've pulled include:

- sudden mobile dancing that puts mad distance between you and him
- pretending to be a non-English speaking foreigner ("¿Que? No comprendo.")
- becoming a lesbian for the night
- giving out the digits for the rejection hotline (unfortunately guys now call you on the spot)
- using a decoy engagement ring
- convincing a friend to play the boyfriend role
- running into the bathroom to change your appearance
- temporary deafness due to loud music
- using group of friends as an impenetrable force field

Poor guys. If only a simple "no" would suffice instead of turning the situation into a challenge. What other crazy tricks have you tried when you're just not interested?

Image: simplytyingtheknot.tumblr.com

Bare: A Sex-Themed Storytelling Series

A. and I are always searching for fun and sexy situations to get ourselves into. From kissing parties (fairly tame) to poly cocktails (typically just to hang with friends) to a night at a Russian banya (that was steamy in so many ways), we're fairly open to checking new things out if only for the stories that arise from those events and to satiate our curiosities. Last night, we attended one of the more tamer affairs that turned out to be pretty damn good: a sex-themed storytelling series in Park Slope's Union Hall.

Bare: True Stories of Sex, Desire, and Romance is a monthly event where storytellers, comedians, and other characters share their salacious tales of naughty encounters. Let me just say that the stories were far more entertaining than they were arousing, but I loved hearing other people's experiences nonetheless. It was really refreshing to hear them talk about sex in its various forms (open/monogamous/poly/LGBT relationships, promiscuity, voyeurism, fetishes, etc.) with such confidence. They owned those stories! Despite the crazy situations they shared, it was all thrown out there with an acceptance that yes, this is who they are, what they've done, how they've done it, and guess what? It was fun as hell. I'm not nearly as brave or risqué, but it was fun to live vicariously through these lovable freaks for an hour and a half - yes, even the self-proclaimed "Smutmeister" who f--ks and drinks her way through Burning Man.

Though I enjoyed attorney/activist Diana Adams' story about an honest and open four-way relationship she was once a part of, our favorite act was comedian Mike Amato and his love affair with a fine "Jew'ish" piece of ass. We liked him so much, I made sure to grab a postcard for his next event which will be a comedy/burlesque/game show called Grab-Ass! at the Bowery Poetry Club Wednesday, Dec. 7 at 10 p.m. 

So are these types of events too "out there" and crazy for you or do they appeal to your kinky side? Either way, you'll know where I'll be next week.

Image: mypinkcloud.tumblr.com

Happy Friday!

You might remember how a few weeks before I left for Europe, I was told that I'd be laid off from my full-time. Well luckily for me (though it'd been such a pain for months before), I'd been working 52 hours a week due to my second job covering music and celebrity news for BET.com. So when I mentioned that I'd be leaving my day job, I just took up more hours with them. This week, I started my new schedule and I can't complain. Aside from my original night shifts twice a week, I'm also producing content for the site's lifestyle section Monday through Fridays 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. This leaves my afternoons free to wander around the city, pursue my other projects, relax, or celebrate the weekend a little early like I did today.

I've only just started this new routine so I still need to get better organized and schedule in exercise, creativity, and other freelance work. One thing's for sure though, I now have more energy to share things with you and finally upgrading to a MacBook Pro has made researching and writing so much easier! Next week, a roundup of where we stayed during our travels, the one European item I just needed to have, a chat with an author/creative force behind a popular stationery company, and sounding off on a first date issue.

Have an amazing weekend my little monkeybutts. If the rain holds off tomorrow, A., a couple friends, and I will be heading to Six Flags!



A sweet stop-motion Spanish music video by sibs Jesse & Joy and here's how they made it. (via Lola's Cookies)

Build your own strand of lighted balls at this colorful shop in Paris. (I popped in, too!)

Cheap, community-driven classes courtesy of the Brooklyn Brainery. (via Swissmiss)

Would you ever try these galaxy nails?

Draw a Stickman makes your wack drawings come to life.

I'm finding these cinemagraphs mesmerizing. Here's more about these "still images that move."

Oral sex tips to use on him and her.

A simple way to make pretty paper tassels.

Stunning photos of emptiness and color.

It's obviously not the same as being there, but Arounder lets you take virtual tours of cities around the world. Visit Barcelona, New York, or Shanghai from your chair while I use it to remember the places we visited this month and see where I should go next.

P.S. Have you heard of Occupy Wall Street? It's a NYC movement that's gone on for two weeks now to protest the greed running through the financial district. A. and I went to check it out on a whim today and ended up participating for nearly four hours and marching against police brutality. I'm in awe of those activists who fight tirelessly for changes every chance they get because good God we got home tired, thirsty and damn near deaf from all that yelling!

{He Says/She Says} On Polyamorous Relationships

Before my current relationship I had no idea of all the different ways a partnership could take form. Sure, I'd heard about swinging and open relationships, about polygamy and how practically every guy yearns for threesomes, but those were all terms said in jest and without knowing what the differences were or all the variations that exist in between. Since dating A., I've not only learned and appreciated the different ways a loving relationship could exist, but also questioned my own traditional upbringing on what a relationship should look like.

A few friends of ours introduced me to the world of polyamory in which couples are free to fall in love with others and it's been interesting watching other's experiences with that lifestyle. Although A. and I have no interest in pursuing relationships with other people (one is quite enough for the both of us), we openly talk about our thoughts on the subject - and other varieties of intimate relationships - fairly frequently. And with news that the polygamous stars of TLC's reality show Sister Wives are filing a lawsuit Wednesday against Utah to make their lifestyle legal, we thought we'd chime in on the subject. Here's what we each have to say about polyamory.

{He says} Polyamory can mean a lot of things, depending on the situation. A couple may incorporate a third (unicorn) into their already-strong relationship, or one member of the couple may maintain extra-curricular "dating" relationships outside of their main one. Further, relationships could hypothetically span a wide range of people, each having their own bond with one another. The trend, though, is not toward stability.

Because polyamory is only starting to spread, I hesitate to make a general statement about it that might offend its staunch supporters, but alas, I must be honest. The only successful long-term polyamorous relationships I've seen have been triads that start out as a solid companionship between two people. Every other aspect of polyamory that I've seen has been fleeting and temporary. That isn't to say that it can't happen, but the lifestyle lends itself more to exploration than longevity.

Personally, the thought of kindling another relationship on top of the one I already have makes my palms sweat. Maybe I'd feel differently if Dorkys wasn't such a handful. Who knows? As it is, I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to flirt and play with others together with no strings, but franchising the relationship would stretch my resources too thin.

{She says} My first thoughts when I hear about polyamorous relationships deal with jealousy. How don't the people involved feel threatened? I'm sure it could work, but only if every link in the chain is safe, honest and checks their ego at the door otherwise girls will end up crying when he spends more time with one instead of the other. Or at least I know I would.

I also wonder how deeply they can all love one another in the initial stages. Where do they find the time and energy it takes to build something meaningful in multiple relationships? I know some poly people feel restricted by idea that once you fall in love with someone, you're forbidden to feel the same for another person. I understand that, but at the end of the day, I like having my one go-to person and learning how to compromise and figure out the puzzle that is this sole relationship. Because I've no other choice (other than breaking up and finding someone else, of course), I'm forced to learn what makes him tick, what ticks me off and how we can become a better fit for each other. This isn't to say other things are off limits, just that at the end of it all, we'd rather just come home to each other.

Still, it's beautiful to see people pursuing and giving love with no qualms about what society deems appropriate or not and I admire their ability to put aside any insecurities to do so. The first time I attended one of their events, I smiled at the thought that everyone's just trying to find what suits them and makes them happy whether it'd be for the moment or something long-lasting. It's obviously not for everyone, but just because it's not doesn't mean it's wrong.

What do you think about polyamory? What would it take for a consensual non-monogamous relationship to truly work?

Images: informationisbeautiful.net and tacit.livejournal.com

Career Updates and Articles

I've been a busy bee as of late and my hard work is now starting to roll out on newsstands! Right now you'll find me in the February issues of Latina (asking experts all about weight loss plateaus, low libidos, stress, multivitamins and hand sanitizers) and [drum roll please] Travel + Leisure. That's right, my first contributions at work are finally published (check out my write-ups on romantic hotels in Jamaica, Spain and Morocco). And that's just the beginning as I've also been working on several stories for their upcoming family insert, pieces for a future iPad issue as well writing for Latina.com again. All good stuff, huh? Even A. tried to steal a bit of my magazine thunder by landing a quote in Glamour's February issue. Can you blame him though? After you get through the hard part (you know, actually researching and writing those damn stories), seeing your finished piece on the glossy pages of a magazine never gets old.

Image: travelandleisure.com

365 Sex Positions: A New Way Every Day for a Steamy, Erotic Year

If you're hard-pressed for creativity in the bedroom, then 365 Sex Positions: A New Way Every Day for a Steamy, Erotic Year is more than eager to please, but perhaps it tries to stretch a bit too much. They're clearly reaching with some positions, but I guess even acrobats could use tips on freshening up their sex sessions. Each page illustrates a position with vibrant photos, hot models (of course) and quick hits on why the move feels so good. The photos are "tastefully explicit," which means there's really nothing in there for show - other than boobs and butts. Which begs the question: why is it that in every single sex book (and movies, too) women are much more likely to be exposed than men? Anyway, I digress.

This little guide is a fun one to flip through on a whim and find new variations of your usual go-tos. You might discover that merely changing your angle was just what your G-spot was waiting for. If anything, the names are good for a chuckle (or a raised eyebrow). Among the most amusing name-wise: Who's Your Daddy?, Take Me to Your Leader, The Butter Churn, The Cow, The Crazy Cat, Foot in Mouth, Gooooooal!, Spork, The Wow Wow, and last but not least, the exciting-sounding Yawning Position.

A. says: Well it seems like they consider moving your foot two inches to the left as a new position. Or here you're bending your knees, but if you keep your legs straight that's a new position. If you put your hand on her hip instead of her shoulder then - voilà! - new position. And some of these angles look like they bend a guy's dick like a boomerang. I don't know about other guys, but I'm relatively straight.

So how do you keep things interesting in the bedroom? Do you usually stick to your tried-and-true positions or do regularly introduce new ones into your sex life?

Image: amoratapress.com

Monday Giveaway: Booty Parlor

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Happy Friday!

Colorful photos + jotted thoughts = The Sweeterie

Fun engagement pics with DIY backdrops drawn in chalk.
These little happy girls are so cute and way easy to make. I'd like one on my keychain.
The story of my procrastinating life.
Artwork made with staples, push pins and packaging tape.
Would you ever put your face on a condom wrapper? (via Jezebel)
A girly mobile made with things around the house.
Loving these dry erase board and sandwich baggies DIYs.

Oh, and congrats to Toojie for her beautiful baby girl and A.'s home team for winning the NBA Championship last night! Hope you all have a lovely weekend and great time with your papas!

Images: trufflegirls.com

Monday Giveaway: The Sex Instruction Manual

Another goodie from our sex guides roundup, The Sex Instruction Manual is a funny guide that teaches the "mechanics of sexual intercourse" with its insert tab A into slot B illustrations. You won't find any surprises here, but the guide's techy set-up is amusing and would better serve first-timers without a clue rather than those of us looking for new tricks to test drive. So leave a comment below for a chance to win this for any rookies you know...or just keep it for yourself. I promise I won't judge.

A random winner will be announced on Friday!

CONGRATULATIONS: Intense Guy is this week's winner!

Image: chroniclebooks.com

The Lelo Liv Vibrator

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Tuesday Giveaway: Sex is Fun!

Now that Sex is Fun! is finally out, I figured one of you would love to win a copy for your own naughty pleasure. Here's what A.and I had to say about the book in our sex guides roundup a couple months ago...

Author Kidder Kaper, a sex game designer and host of the Sex is Fun podcasts, has created this cool comic book-style sex manual that might draw your guy's attention, which is great if you want to get him involved in your exploration. You can go through Sex is Fun! together, discovering each others likes and dislikes through the workbook-style activities and find ways to bump up your sex life along the way. I actually enjoyed the workbook pages and think it can help the timid types start a discussion with their partner. Who knows? You might discover you both have superhero fantasies you'd like to play out.

A. says: I like it because it treats sex the way it should be treated - it's fun! Though it might shock people. There's the graphic gay sex and if you're not prepared for that it might make you uncomfortable. I think the workbook activities are cheesy though. I'll do whatever the fuck I want so if I see something I like, I don't need a worksheet to prompt me to do it. But I like it. It's entertaining, exciting and completely vulgar.

So just leave a comment below and a random winner will be chosen on Friday!

CONGRATULATIONS: K. Rock is this week's winner!

Image: sexisfun.net

Wednesday Giveaway: Moregasm

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A Quickie Guide to Sex Guides Part 2

Here are the final five book reviews for your enjoyment...


I'm not exactly rolling in money right now so I was interested to see what Great Sex for Hard Times had to say. I was expecting a book of fun and cheap ideas and instead received a list of reasons why sex is such an awesome stress reliever (nah, really?). There are cash-saver and quickie tips sprinkled throughout the chapters (the sexy challenges were a bit cheesy though), but I found myself skipping through all the other stuff just to locate those blurbs. And P.S. What is that cover girl wearing??

A. says: Her thighs are nice though! I like how it says "fully illustrated." How do you define "fully?" There's like 15 illustrations and they're all line drawings. The word "fully" isn't what it used to be.


Well I'm automatically skeptical when a product makes such a hefty claim like The Best Sex of Your Life does. But pushing that aside, the book shares 101 sex secrets that aren't quite so secretive: men are visual creatures who enjoy foreplay and compliments as much as we do; sex toys can strengthen your orgasms; girl on top is great for stimulating your hot spots. On and on. Well guess what? There's very little here you can't get from a couple months worth of Cosmo or Glamour. At least those are more visually appealing.

A. says: First thing I look for: pictures! ...And there aren't any. Basically it's an unorganized list of random sex "secrets." How am I supposed to find what I'm looking for? What if I'm curious about something? And these aren't secrets; these are things that you come up with on your own if you're not an uptight priss.


What's the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Moregasm? The vagina collage I was surprised with on page 16 when I first opened the book. You also get glimpses of different butts and boobs so you can appreciate how we're all different yet beautiful. The colorful guide, which is geared mostly towards women, is a fun reference to browse through and search for answers as needed or to learn something new. There's even a great Q&A section in the back that I enjoyed reading through. Some topics were relevant and others just served to open my eyes. Either way, it's nice to feel that other women have the same issues and concerns you do. And because it was written by the founders of Babeland, it has plenty of suggestions when it comes to navigating the world of sex toys.

A. says: Every one of these women looks manlier than me... Oh wait, this one doesn't look like a lesbian. It's well put together. I don't know if it should say "mind-blowing sex" on the cover, but that's just marketing shit. As a book to just be comfortable with all types of sex, it seems like it would be good. There's not too much text, it says the right things and and they treat everything real so that's nice.


The Porn Star Guide to Great Sex (out June 22) is Mr. Marcus' first book and you can tell because the writing is so simplistic. The man even refers to a commonly used writing technique among high schoolers: referring to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary to tell readers what a word means. I'm sure he wanted to back up his info with credible sources, but I think it's perfectly fine if a porn star just defined "clitoris" in his own words. At least the "professional lover" keeps it straight up (with his advice, I mean). Even though at times it felt like the book should've been titled Seducing Mr. Marcus instead, I didn't completely mind his conversational tone and anecdotes. Why? Because at least the book took a different route than many of the others on this list. That said, I'm never wearing crotchless panties. Sorry.

A. says: It's banal. He switches from first person to second person, which makes me think he didn't write all of it. The funny thing is he says do this, this and this, but he doesn't say listen to her reaction to see if it's working. And I must be a better porn connoisseur than he is because he says anal sex is relatively new within the porn world. Ha! He must not have watched any German porn from the 70's.


If size matters to you, then this mammoth of a book has the potential to thrill you. The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking 351-page guide pretty much has it all: knowing and pleasing yourself and others, oral play, toys, fantasies and yes, A., even anal loving. (Don't get excited though.) I say if you want a complete sex manual, you'll be hard-pressed to find a more inclusive one than this one. My only peeve is that there isn't anything for homosexual loving. They could use some advice too! And I really like the photos even though they're totally airbrushed. A. and I made a game out of flipping open to a random page and seeing what racy picture we'd be treated to. Good stuff.

A. says: To their credit, they've got some hot females, but all of the males look like aged porn stars. There's one with such big tit-pecs, I thought it was a girl-on-girl section. I was disappointed. There's just a lot to read here. I'm not inclined to pick up one of these books in the first place, but when I see all this text, I'm really not interested in it.

*****

Phew! I can't believe we just sifted through all that. Seriously, if I ever flip through another sex book again it'll be too soon. Some were entertaining, yes, but the majority were just a collection of been there, tried that.

A: If you're really in the market for a sex guide, avoid the gimmicks and look for one that matches your personal attitude about sex. Keep in mind that a lot of advice in these books are anecdotal. I would have liked to see a more scientific approach to what works and in what situation. Then again, I'm a geek who gets excited about folding proteins and embryology.

Images: ebookstore.sony.com, sheknows.com, webster.it, amazon.com and infibeam.com

A Quickie Guide to Sex Guides Part 1

One of the things I love about my career is the chance to learn about new products, studies and books on a range of topics, but mostly ones concerning lifestyle and wellness. Now because I've written several love and sex stories in the past, I'm never surprised when I receive e-mails or review copies of the latest sex books on the market. So after months of raking them in, I've finally decided to round those up and give you quick reviews on 10 of them. But where would the fun be in doing this alone?

Which is why I've enlisted the help of A. not only because he's my boyfriend and I find him hysterical, but because what guy would actually say no to looking through sex book after sex book? Oh, and there's one other reason: he worked in the porn industry for two years and has quite the interest in all things sex-related. (He worked behind the scenes though. Read about his crazy adventures in Porn: From the Inside Parts 1, 2 and 3 as well as his series on 10 Things You Didn't Know About Sexual Biology.) I should also warn you that he has an fondness for profanity and I didn't even try to cover up his colorful vocabulary.

*****

If you've run out of locations for your sexual encounters, Sex Marks the Spot attempts to spark your creativity with - what else? - 69 places for intimate play. But with predictable suggestions like cars, the library and parks and then questionable ones like the ski lift and while driving an ATV (err?!), I have to wonder how desperate for ideas must you be that you need a book that tells you to jump in the back seat and revisit your virgin days. It's so full of clichés, I really couldn't take any of it seriously. And as for "Number 69," well you'll be providing that one yourself.

A. says: I don't think text is even needed here. Just show me the location and I'll figure it out. Nobody is going to read this shit; these tips are for idiots. No shit you need to scope out the joint when you're gonna have sex. This book would be better as a giant list with check boxes next to them. Instead someone had to make a fucking book out of it.


Author Kidder Kaper, a sex game designer and host of the Sex is Fun podcasts, has created this cool comic book-style sex manual that might draw your guy's attention, which is great if you want to get him involved in your exploration. You can go through Sex is Fun together, discovering each others likes and dislikes through the workbook-style activities and find ways to bump up your sex life along the way. I actually enjoyed the workbook pages and think it can help the timid types start a discussion with their partner. Who knows? You might discover you both have superhero fantasies you'd like to play out.

A. says: I like it because it treats sex the way it should be treated - it's fun! Though it might shock people. There's the graphic gay sex and if you're not prepared for that it might make you uncomfortable. I think the workbook activities are cheesy though. I'll do whatever the fuck I want so if I see something I like, I don't need a worksheet to prompt me to do it. But I like it. It's entertaining, exciting and completely vulgar. [Minutes later...] Butt sex!


I'd recommend The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex to some of you if I didn't think the author was so demeaning. The book means well with its goal of whipping withering sex lives back into shape, but must it do it with reminders of how stretched out your vag and how busted your face have become? Shoot, this book even served as psychological birth control for me. Kristen Chase keeps it way too real for my tastes, but maybe some of you enjoy that type of tough love. The book manages to dispense bits of helpful advice in between the name-calling (shout-out to all you C-section bitches!), but perhaps it would've been better served with a little more class as I'd think the target audience already has enough self-esteem issues. Then again, they could get a laugh from their own self-deprecation.

A. says: I was curious because every guy is interested in pregnant sex, but whoever this woman is has such a condescending way of communicating her tepid humor. I don't want her as my mom, I'll tell you that much. And there are no pictures so I'm completely unstimulated.


The green fad has claimed our food, our homes and clothes so it was only a matter of time before it tried to crawl into bed with us. With tips like how to shop for organic aphrodisiacs, making your own oil blends and a list of "earth-friendly bands and musicians," Eco-Sex shows you how to make your romp in between those bamboo sheets completely sustainable...provided you find a partner who's as über-eco-conscious as you. Personally, thinking about what's living inside my mattress will totally throw me off the mood, but that could just be me.

A. says: This is all dogmatic hipster bullshit. There's absolutely nothing sexy in this book. When I'm fucking, the last thing on my mind is whether or not I'm carbon neutral.


The Sex Instruction Manual is a funny guide that teaches the "mechanics of sexual intercourse" with its insert tab A into slot B illustrations. You won't find any surprises here, but the guide's techy set-up is amusing and would better serve first-timers without a clue rather than those of us looking for new tricks to test drive.

A. says: The illustrations are entertaining but they're not arousing by any chance; it's like watching two bathroom door markers go at it. And it's almost too basic. Everyone knows that when a guy comes he shoots stuff out. [Minutes later...] Anal play!

*****

So that's it for now, but tomorrow we'll review five more for you. Hey A., how's about a break for a little "oral interfacing" (aka kissing)?

"How's about you interface with my-"

Baby!

Images: sourcebooks.com, infibeam.com, webster.it, ecosex.net and chroniclebooks.com

Celebrate Good Times

Adult toy shop Good Vibrations turns 33 today and it's breaking out the bday cake and champagne at its four retail stores from 6-9 PM. Or you can restock your sex drawer with a 25% discount on vibrators through March 21. Tell them I sent you and receive absolutely nothing in return.

Image: blog.taragana.com

Tips for Sharing Your Sexual Fantasies

[Since nearly half of you said you don't feel comfortable sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner, I asked A. (who normally blogs over at Don't Feed the Animals) to share his expertise with you. Besides, aren't some things just more interesting to hear from a man?]

When it comes to sharing sexual fantasies with your partner, the name of the game is open-mindedness. I've read so many stories about couples who open up to each other and one of them ends up being thoroughly disgusted with the others' dirty mind. It's either that or they feel offended because the fantasy doesn't involve them, or it involves them doing something they don't want to do. Well, I have news for you: you're sharing personal details of your imagination! What do you expect?

Well, unless you're a complete freak like me, you may need some advice when it comes to revealing your extra credit assignments. That's why I've compiled a few tips for that special moment of lust and vulnerability.

1. Don't promise not to get mad, then proceed to get mad.

The key to any good relationship is trust, so if your lover confides in you to know their deepest, darkest desires, respect the trust that they have in you to open up. Besides, if they make you promise such a thing, they probably know it will hit your soft spot. Asking you not to get mad is their way of sending out warning flares and if you don't think you can take it, get away from the blast. It is OK to ask for more time before you hear these things. Then again, by the time they've already asked you to not be mad, the full reveal could be inevitable. Prepare yourself in any case.

Possible confessions:
"I dream about your sister."
"I touch myself during family dinner."

2. Wait until you're both really turned on.

One of the awesome things about human psychology is the difference between our "cold state" conscience and our horny conscience. The difference is so great that you will even underestimate your boundaries if you try to talk about them when you're not turned on. This is why revealing your fantasies when you're in the heat of passion is such a good idea; both of you will be so hot and bothered that things which normally skeeve you out actually sound quite reasonable and, dare I say it, sexy.

Possible confessions:
"I want something in my butt."
"Let's add a third to this mix."

3. Be sincere; don't treat your fantasies like they don't matter.

Sometimes, our sexual vices make us sound silly. These little kinks can be used as joke fodder in the locker room, but they mean a lot to you in the bedroom. You shouldn't be ashamed of what gets you off because your partner is there to help you have fun in a protected and private environment. When it comes down to it, sexual arousal, no matter how it happens, is just plain hot. While your partner may not share your soft spot, they will enjoy the opportunity to turn you on and be a part of your enjoyment.

Possible confessions:
"Let me smell your feet."
"Would you bark for me?"

4. Understand that some fantasies are impossible.

As it is often said, "Fantasies are just that: fantasies." There are some things that we think about that we would never dream of doing in real life or that are simply impossible to act on. That doesn't mean that they don't turn us on completely when we dream about them. Often, when you share fantasies with your lover, it isn't to create a wish list. Rather, you're just sharing a personal detail that lets them know a little bit more about you and creates a bonding moment. There are even simple fantasies that would be easy to act on, but many people purposely keep them in their pocket simply because they like the dream more than the potential reality.

Possible confessions:
"I like to look at anime porn."
"Sometimes I imagine myself pleasing an endless line of men."

5. Everyone has different standards for what is kinky.

Some things can simply be too shameful to share for some people. Other fantasies are so normal to them that they don't even consider them remarkable enough to mention. Consider the case of the wife who was livid to find "hot young teen" porn on her husband's computer. She was mad that he had naughty thoughts that he wasn't sharing. Maybe he wasn't talking because looking at porn was shameful. Or maybe it was because EVERY man looks at that kind of porn. Who knows? The point is to try to understand your lover's thoughts about why they choose to share or not to share. Communication will make it all better.

Possible confessions:
"I fancy me a ladyboy."
"Sorry, I just assumed you would like being spanked."


Thanks for reading, and have fun sharing!

Image: glamour.com

Wednesday Giveaway: Astroglide Gift Basket

How's this for a sensual giveaway? Astroglide is offering one of you a basket full of goodies to fire up your Valentine's Day plans. It'll include:

Astroglide Gel

Astroglide Liquid

Astroglide Warming Liquid

Sensual Strawberry Astroglide

Astroglide Natural

Glycerin and Paraben Free Astroglide

Astroglide X Premium Personal Lubricant

Tea light candle and holder

"Please Do Not Disturb" Door Hanger

Astroglide Temporary Tattoos

Astroglide branded Cinnamints

Emily Chocolate Fortune Cookie

Hershey's Caramel Kisses

Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bliss

Dove Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter

Ghirardelli Squares- Dark Chocolate Collection

Something tells me your partner is going to love you for this. And because sharing is caring, consider giving some to your friends- that's a whole lot of lube! Just leave a comment below and a winner will be chosen on Friday.

CONGRATULATIONS: Shaun is this week's winner!

Hump Day Sex Polls

I think we can all agree that Dry As Toast is fairly family-friendly/ PG-13. Well in honor of Hump Day I'm throwing a monkey wrench into all that and created some fun polls that'll reveal what my lovely readers are into. (Don't act like you're an innocent bunch!) Feel free to join the titillating conversation in the comments section. ;)

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

Finally! The First Gay Marriage in Latin America

Earlier this month, I wrote a quick write up for Latina.com about an Argentine couple's plans to have Latin America's first gay marriage and the last-minute monkey wrench that was flung into their dream. Well this morning I was happy to learn that they tied the knot yesterday!

And then I started reading the comments. It's frightening the way some people think. I get jokes and am not easily offended, but when I stop to think that some actually believe the crap they spew, it scares the bejesus out of me. (Just imagine how I felt when I attended an Ann Coulter event in grad school out of sheer curiosity. *Shudders*)

I just don't get what's so horrible about two people in love wanting to dedicate their lives to each other and gather the benefits a marriage provides. Why do people want to dictate everybody else's life?

I don't understand how those who jump for Jesus can be so cruel to their neighbors. It seems hypocritical to pick and follow only those parts of the Bible that sit well with you. If you're so quick to condemn, you'd be better be guaranteed canonization when you kick the bucket.

Gather everyone living with AIDS, ship them off to an island and leave them there? I mean really, who's the sick one here?

I don't even know why I get mad over ignorance. It seems like a waste of energy much better used elsewhere. Maybe because it's nearly 2010 and mentalities still haven't changed much. It's been incredibly slow-going and any lessons reaching our kids are just being undone once they get home to their parents.

That said, I have to add that although I wish for gay rights and all that good stuff, I get annoyed when a celeb or public figure comes out and makes headlines. I can't wait until being gay isn't this great big thing that needs to be plastered on the front page; that it doesn't send shock waves through a community. I can't wait until someone announces their sexual preference and the result is a resounding, "Yeah? Big whoop."

Until then, ¡que vivan los novios!

Image: news.yahoo.com