Maintaining the Public Persona

Things have been wonderful as of late, that sort of satisfying close-your-eyes-sit-back-and-sigh it's so good. And as much as I wish I could keep up with my life and chronicle it all online, it's becoming increasingly difficult, tiring and frankly unnecessary. See, the more I have going on outside this cyber world, the less time I have to divulge every detail. And the less energy I spend online, the more I feel like actually doing things. It's a vicious cycle and I'm learning to love every minute of it.

Late last year, A. decided to back away from his online commitments like blogging, tweeting and Facebooking incessantly. Crazy talk, if you asked me, but he wanted to stop living his life online and refocus his energy on things with more impact. I won't say if he's been entirely successful or not, but I have noticed that since then he doesn't stress about updating his blog every other day. He doesn't worry about the number of followers he has and when he does write a post, it's because he feels he has something worth saying. So I've also been allowing myself to let some things go without guilt. The Internet will not fall apart if I leave for a bit to tend to my real life.

Many times I do wish I could run and share the fun, the trying and the seemingly crazy things I've been up to over the last couple of months, but a part of me likes keeping those bits to myself, untouched nor criticized by those who just wouldn't understand. It's almost like a double life between this public me that I've always been and another I'm just starting to become and until I feel comfortable merging the two for everyone, I'll only show that latter persona within certain circles. Some might see it as being two-faced, but I disagree. I'm geniune no matter who I'm with. I just believe that certain people make you feel comfortable enough to reveal extra things you're too shy to share with anyone else. And that's okay. In some ways, that makes it all the more special.

Cryptic I know, but such is my life right now: confusing, intriguing, full of missteps and layers all slightly unbinding itself from societal expectations. All I know is I like where I am at this moment.