{He Says/She Says} When Love Grows Up

Since moving in with A. and spending so much more time with one another, there have been all these new facets that I'm discovering. In the beginning I was worried that we'd become boring roommates and lose the sexiness, but over the last weeks I'm realizing that this feels…different. At some point in all this, the relationship matured. When I look at A., yeah, I see his flaws as I'm sure he notices mine, but it doesn't matter so much because the overarching thought that goes beyond all our disagreements and misunderstandings is this: we're a team and we make it work. I was never really told that this is what long-term love evolves into, but I can see how you could ride this for 45 years like A.'s parents have done.

{He says} Most people go looking for that crazy, whirlwind, overwhelming love that takes you over and carries you to do silly things you'd never imagine. That's not how it happened with me and you. Our relationship was very deliberately fostered. We may have had our moments of temporary insanity, but they were less about getting carried away with each other and more about doing brash things for fun. We were rarely mistaken about who the other was and we refused to look past the flaws we saw in the other. Instead, we acknowledged our imperfections and sought to improve as individuals. It was a long and grueling process, but what we have as a result, I feel, is so much stronger than what people normally aim for.

I imagine someone visualizing what they'd like out of a partner and then rifling through a stable of candidates until they find someone who is close enough. If I had used this method, I would have never stopped at you. And you know that. But what we have, as a result, is stronger than what any momentary fling might seek to replace. You and I are both deep and complicated people, so it's taken years for us to get to know each other. We certainly know and appreciate each other more than we can see in other relationships.

For all the times I refused to let you run away. For all the times we changed to make the other person happy instead of clinging to our stubborn ideals. We're solid.

As long as we keep working.

{She says} I remember you once told me that you could have ended up just as happy if you had met someone else that night. I thought that was such a unromantic thing to say then, but years later I sometimes look at you and think the same thing. I could very well spend my life searching for more, for better, for different. I could hold out for other options, expecting finer picks from another draw. But I don't want to.

There's this deep satisfaction that comes from working through life's difficulties with someone. He might not be perfect, but he's willing to grow with you. It's not settling either, it's accepting that this person you've come to care so much for is your partner in crime and at the end of each day, he'll be there to talk about his dreams and support you through yours. He's there to navigate your mood swings, complete your thoughts, and is unrelenting when it comes to your self-improvement. He admires you as you are and envisions the person you could be. You might not always adore each other and some nights you'd rather sleep on the couch than hear this person breathing next to you, but you know you have to make it work. After all we've put into this relationship, there's just no throwing in the towel.

Yes, the girly, lustful, infatuated side still exists and sometimes it's all I can do to not drown you with affection, but this other side feels more serious, practical. It's me looking at you and resolving to help you learn, grow, and be happy. It's me looking at you and thinking, Yeah, we're in this.