When there's a decision to be made, I think we usually know what we're pulling for. It's like that trick where you flip a coin and before it even lands in your heart you already know what you're wishing for. I know I do. The asking for other's opinions and seeking advice on what to do sometimes just serves as validation, reassurance that it's okay to want what we want, to do what we want to do, that later on we won't find ourselves peeking over our shoulder to discover we're standing alone. (It also gives a direction to point a finger towards if things go awry.)
But I go against my own grain. There's several reasons for it - seeking attention, pity, comfort, unrealistic expectations, this crazy notion that everyone else comes first, etc. - but at the end of it all I just end up feeling unsettled, as if I'm not quite comfortable with where I am, who I'm with, or what I've agreed to. All because I couldn't be true to myself.
How much more happier would I be if I were always doing what I truly wanted? Instead of going out of my way to meet up with someone on a hectic day, I could just spend a quiet evening at home and be completely unapologetic about it. I wouldn't have to shuffle between excuses or relenting, but rather affirmations and acceptance, standing firmly in honesty.
Being authentic means being open about makes you you. Because if you can't even stand up for what makes you tick, then how will anyone get to know who you truly are?
Image: kal barteski
This is an ongoing process for me (although I'd say I've come a long way from my 20s). The hardest part about being true to myself, I've found, is owning those parts of me that I worry are "weird"/unacceptable/different from others and accepting that they are legitimate and important aspects of who I am.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people don't take the time to really be true to themselves, so not only do others not know the real us, but we don't truly know ourselves sometimes either.
ReplyDeleteBeing more authentic is a challenge, but so important.
This part:
ReplyDelete" Instead of going out of my way to meet up with someone on a hectic day, I could just spend a quiet evening at home and be completely unapologetic about it."
is difficult.
Sometimes what I WANT...isn't what is true to who I AM. Who I am realizes a friend may need to see me more than I need to see them, prefers keeping commitments, etc. People sometimes focus on being "who they are" to the point that all they are doing....is thinking about themselves, what they want, and what they've done for and given to others. They only think about what they feel and what they want to say.
Fine lines to walk. Being true to who you are is hopefully a good mix of give and take, feel and be felt. I rambled. I find myself doing that more and more now that I'm not blogging myself.