New Year's Wishes

This morning, A. woke me up and asked me, "Do you remember where you were a year ago?"

"In Thailand, surprising you for New Year's Eve."

Standing here on Dec. 31st, I can honestly say that despite all the sucky bits, 2012 was a good year. I traveled to Asia, San Antonio, Alabama, California, Virginia Beach, Miami and drove around the U.S. in an RV with four friends and a stranger. I played with white tiger cubs and busted my ass to make A. a wonderful birthday present. I turned 30 and started my own stationery company. I developed a liking to new bands, new friends, and fun hobbies. I took burlesque and photo classes and discovered that gambling simply isn't my thing. I cut my hair! I said I liked girls. Toby popped back into my life and 20 years after she made a beautiful mark on my childhood, my fifth grade teacher found me again.

I pushed myself. I stumbled. I dusted myself off. I grew.

As the clock strikes midnight I'll be wishing for strength and acceptance. I'll be wishing for light when the hopelessness arrives and the reminder that while this new weirdness is now a piece of me, it is not my entire existence. I hope to finally learn how to be gentle with myself and realize that it's okay if I put myself first, if I treat myself kindly, if I laugh while I cry, if I yell, if I squeal, if I do nothing. I wish for patience with those who only seek to love me in whichever way they know how. I wish for peace with whatever comes next.

Here's hoping the mountains we currently find ourselves up against turn out to be nothing but hills in the rearview mirror. Happy 2013. Here's hoping it is so.

Images: weddingchicks.com