Hello 2017 + Hello 35

Hi all, just popping in since it’s been a while since my last update. In case you were wondering, I am alive and well. In the coming weeks I’ll share more details on December’s mastectomy, recovery, the ongoing hormonal therapy, and the new round of radiation treatment I just started a few days ago, but for now just wanted to wish you all a happy new year. I hope 2017 is filled with goodness, strength, and health.

Last week, I also hit the 35th year mark and celebrated the occasion with a surprise dinner, drinks with a whole wonderful group of friends Saturday night, and then ice skating around Bryant Park on Sunday. I might have packed in quite a lot - and might have been dreading the ice skating commitment early Sunday morning - but every year I’m humbled by the love I receive on my birthday. That reminder of how much warmth is around me has been helpful because the last month and a half hasn't been smooth sailing throughout. Not super hard, but not incredibly easy either. I’m usually thrilled to reach another birthday and have never dreaded turning a year older. In fact, I love it! And probably will for as long as I continue not really looking my age, but this year’s was a bit different and it wasn’t until I woke up the day after when I realized man, I AM LAME.

I hid under the covers thinking about my current circumstance: I’m sleeping in my mom’s living room on an air mattress borrowed from my sister. Most of my belongings are still in a storage room. I’m dealing with cancer again. I’m still recovering from surgery. And I have a serious case of "I just don’t give a crap" in regards to many of my work commitments. It’s been really difficult to get rearing back into life and career again when I'm trying to juggle so many appointments and side effects from medications. It’s as if my brain has filtered out whatever it’s deemed unnecessary for survival and joy.

I think I was especially eager for 35 because it sounded firmly adult, a good milestone, but my life does not mirror that to me at the moment. But onwards, right? I’ll try to be gentle with myself, honest with those around me - including friends and colleagues about what they can feasibly expect from me in the coming month - and seek out more things to feel genuinely happy about. More details on the other goings on to come. I promise there’s some good + exciting mixed in!

How has your 2017 begun?