On Instagram this morning, I shared that I've been binging on art lately and my creative soul has been craving other nutrients. I've been so focused on painting (I have an art portfolio showcase next weekend and for that you sorta, kinda need an art portfolio to begin with) that my writer side has been left undernourished when I know full well that it also plays an important role in my happiness. I've always needed both to feel satisfied, but here's a glimpse of where my life has been skewing these days:
And honestly, I love it. I love that I have the time to make art, share art, discover and get to know other artists, and that I'm growing more comfortable with calling myself an artist. In December, a painting of mine was accepted into an exhibition at a local gallery (my first!) and it was auctioned off and sent to (what I hope is) a good home. Since then, I've become even bolder about making connections to exhibit my art in other places, entering showcases, and submitting to callouts for artists. I need to work on a couple of manuscripts for children's books and can't wait to learn more about the industry at next week's Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators conference here in New York City.
While I've had to fight off impostor syndrome as I work on my portfolio, I'm reminding myself that there will be artists of all levels at this portfolio showcase and I can't compare my beginning to somebody else's middle. Why did I decide to participate? Mainly, to push myself to create an art portfolio, which is necessary if I want to carve a career path as an illustrator. It won't be perfect the first time around, but having this "first draft" of a portfolio will then give me something to continue developing and editing. And I'll never have to do a first portfolio again!
This is the same mentality I had when I decided to launch a YouTube channel last month. After months of toying with the idea, binge-watching YouTube videos, including YouTube videos about making YouTube videos, and then filming a string of them, I decided to just go public with it. I could either a) sit on my content and compare my channel with those that have been running for years or b) get on with it and start the process of getting better with each upload. I went with the second option.
After learning of my struggle, a friend sent me an article about embracing impostor syndrome. In it, writer Kristin Wong explains that this inner turmoil means your ambition is pushing you out of your comfort zone to learn new skills and take on tougher challenges. Naturally, there's a fear of failure and insecurity when you're trying something for the first time. "It helps to think of impostor syndrome as just a catchy way to describe vulnerability — because really, that’s what it is," Wong writes. "And ambition begets vulnerability: Asking for raises, negotiating new job offers, and gunning for promotions are all difficult, uncomfortable things to do. But if you want to make progress, it’s going to feel a little uncomfortable, so you might as well learn to lean into it."
And continuously "lean into it" is what I plan to do in spite of this din of of self-doubt going on in my head. I hope you'll follow along via my artwork on Instagram, my videos about creativity on YouTube, and my writing here on Dry As Toast. They're all part of my balanced artistic diet.
What's on your plate these days? Do you keep a mix of pursuits to stay satisfied? Or are you all in with one focus?
